His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
