True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
