3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
