my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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