When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
