I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
