I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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