also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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