I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize