that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
