I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
