Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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