Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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