How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
