my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
