What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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