I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
