some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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