Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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