Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
