You just made me feel so damn special
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
