I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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