I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
