Please, let me fuck your mom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
