just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
