I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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