guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
