Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
