Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
