He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
