Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
