is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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