Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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