i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
