My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He better not be in your backpack
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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