.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
