Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
