I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
