Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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