having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
