is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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