i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
