The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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