we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a beard to bite.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
