All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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