So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
