this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
