i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
