I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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