he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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