note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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