so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
