I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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