also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
