I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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