I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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