just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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