It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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