Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
