there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
