Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
