Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
