Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
