we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
