i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
