these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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